Someone else's words

This is something written by the wonderful Ashli. I take no credit; this is all her. She's awesome.

"I waited patiently, and at first fought sloppily and unsure of myself. Then I got the first letter, and I remember laughing and crying, how you sounded so good. I remember saying quietly in my car “How did I ever get this lucky?”. Got the first phone call and sprawled out on the porch swing just listening to you. Got the second phone call and we swapped jokes and stories about the moments we collected while thousands of miles apart - how in those few hours we were braiding back what rightfully belonged together. And then I was somewhere in Orlando when I found out we were moving to Tennessee. How I made Warren dance with me in a parking lot because it was the first time I let my happiness and my hope be heard, how in the moment it was ear splitting with all of its fervor. That conquering greatness of everything we worked for. How after that I learned how to hit into things harder, not let the nights pin my arms behind my back anymore. And then the eighth week came and I drove up the east coast - how I couldn’t sleep at night in those hotels up north in the fever of dreams and nightmares. Wondering what you’d look like with your short hair, in what ways you would have changed. (And, oh God, how you have changed, in small ways that are both beautiful and fitting, how I look back on the love we had before now and realize it never had this kind of punch, this kind of power.) How there were mornings in Virginia so blue and right that I just cried in the backseat while my dad scanned for songs on the radio. And those houses up in the hills with the hazy glow of light crawling from within them. How sometimes as we passed I was sure I could be them. How the rain sliding down the windows shook me in ways that I remember telling myself “Write about this later when you find the words.” I hope that I have found them. And when I finally saw you that Friday I remember feeling shell shocked. How much older you looked. How my hands shook because the love I have for you can be heard creaking through my every floor board."